♪ WE'RE TINY ♪ ♪ WE'RE TOONY ♪ ♪ WE'RE ALL A LITTLE LOONY ♪ ♪ AND IN THIS CARTOONY ♪ ♪ WE'RE INVADING YOUR TV ♪ ♪ WITH COMIC DISPENSERS ♪ ♪ WE CRACK UP ALL THE CENSORS ♪ ♪ ON TINY TOON ADVENTURES ♪ ♪ GET A DOSE OF COMEDY ♪ ♪ SO HERE'S ACME ACRES ♪ ♪ IT'S A WHOLE WIDE WORLD APART ♪ ♪ OUR HOME, SWEET HOME, IT STANDS ALONE ♪ ♪ A CARTOON WORK OF ART ♪ ♪ THE SCRIPTS WERE REJECTED ♪ ♪ EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED ♪ ♪ ON TINY TOON ADVENTURES IT'S ABOUT TO START ♪ ♪ THEY'RE FURRY ♪ ♪ THEY'RE FUNNY ♪ ♪ THEY'RE BABS AND BUSTER BUNNY ♪ ♪ MONTANA MAX HAS MONEY ♪ ♪ ELMYRA IS A PAIN ♪ ♪ THERE'S HAMTON ♪ ♪ AND PLUCKY ♪ ♪ DIZZY DEVIL'S YUCKY ♪ ♪ FURRBALL'S A MONKEY ♪ ♪ AND GOGO IS INSANE ♪ ♪ AT ACME LOONIVERSITY WE EARN OUR TOON DEGREE ♪ ♪ THE TEACHING STAFF'S BEEN GETTING LAUGHS ♪ ♪ SINCE 1933 ♪ ♪ WE'RE TINY, WE'RE TOONY ♪ ♪ WE'RE ALL A LITTLE LOONY ♪ ♪ IT'S TINY TOON ADVENTURES ♪ ♪ COME AND JOIN THE FUN ♪ ♪ AND NOW OUR SONG IS DONE ♪♪ GREETINGS, TOONSTERS BUSTER BUNNY HERE WITH MY COHOST BABS BUNNY
NO RELATION HEY, TOOTS, WHAT'S WITH THE PENGUIN SUIT? WELL, BARBARA ANN DON'T CALL ME THAT
AS I WAS ABOUT TO SAY, OCCASIONALLY, WE ON TINY TOONS PROVIDE A PUBLIC SERVICE LIKE SAYING HIDE YOUR BRUSSELS SPROUTS IN YOUR NAPKIN YEAH AND TODAY WE'RE GOING TO ADDRESS A TOPIC THAT LOOMS AHEAD FOR ALL OF US COLLEGE? SOMETHING MORE FIENDISH THAN THAT
TAXES? WORSE CLEANING MY CLOSET? NO IT'S DATING AAH! MAY I CONTINUE? PLEASE THANK YOU
YES, DATING YOU MAY NOT KNOW IT NOW, BUT SOMEDAY THAT PESKY, GEEKY FRIEND OF YOURS WILL BECOME DATE MATERIAL HIYA, HOT, HAPPENING BABE WOW! RULE NUMBER ONE, GIRLS– NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF SPANDEX AHH
THANKS I NEEDED THAT YOU WANT TO ASK OUT THAT CERTAIN SOMEONE FACE TO FACE THIS COULD BE BRUTAL RULE NUMBER TWO– USE THE TELEPHONE
IF SHE REFUSES, YOU CAN ALWAYS PRETEND IT WAS A PRANK CALL HELLO? HIYA, BABALINK HOW'S ABOUT WE TAKING A FLICK THIS FRIDAY, PM? RULE NUMBER THREE– NEVER LET YOURSELF SEEM TOO ANXIOUS
WHY, BUSTER, ARE YOU ASKING ME OUT ON A DATE? FOR THE SAKE OF THIS BIT, YEAH SO, WHAT DO YOU SAY? NOW, HERE'S WHERE YOU REALLY SWEAT, GUYS WILL SHE ACCEPT? AND, GIRLS, RULE NUMBER FOUR– BE CAREFUL AFTER ALL, THIS GUY COULD BE A COMPLETE DWEEB DWEEB? [WHISTLES] NEW BACKGROUND, PLEASE
WHAT DO YOU MEAN DWEEB? WE'VE KNOWN EACH OTHER OUR WHOLE LIVES TO SEE IT WILL BE A COMPATIBLE DATE, IT'S NECESSARY TO PERFORM A LITTLE PSYCHOLOGICAL EVALUATION WHAT DOES THIS PICTURE REMIND YOU OF? AN INK BLOT AND NOW, I SAY A WORD, AND YOU SAY THE FIRST WORD THAT POPS INTO YOUR HEAD OKAY? LOVE
BASEBALL FUN BASEBALL BABS BUNNY CHUBBY
CHUBBY? OW! RULE NUMBER FIVE– NEVER EVER CALL A GIRL CHUBBY AND NOW, TOONSTERS, RULE NUMBER SIX– THE PRE-DATE AGREEMENT THE FOLLOWING SHALL CONSTITUTE THE PRE-DATE AGREEMENT BETWEEN THE FIRST PARTY AND THE SECOND PARTY VIS-A-VIS THE THIRD PARTY AND THE FOURTH PARTY SOUNDS LIKE SOME PARTY
[GAVEL POUNDS] DO YOU SOLEMNLY SWEAR TO FULFILL ALL PRE-DATE OBLIGATIONS STATED HEREUNDER, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED, TO THE PAYMENT FOR ALL, FOOD, ENTERTAINMENT, TRANSPORTATION, AS WELL AS ALL TAXES, TOLLS, TIPS, FEES, FINES, LEGAL COSTS, PARKING, FUTURE COLLEGE TUITION, AND OTHER STUFF? I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING DUTCH? [BUZZ] WRONG! SIGN HERE NOW ENTER YOUR DATA INTO THE DATING COMPUTER AND FIND OUT IF YOU'RE COMPATIBLE OF COURSE, IF YOU'RE STILL NOT SURE THERE'S ONE OPINION MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANY OTHER– THAT OF YOUR BEST GIRLFRIEND HARRIET, HI
HEY, WHAT'S THE WORD ON THIS BUSTER BUNNY KID? NO NO! HE DID THAT? DID WHAT? THAT JERK! THAT CREEP! IT'S A DATE HARRIET THINKS YOU'RE CUTE RULE NUMBER SEVEN– ONLY GO OUT WITH GUYS YOUR FRIEND THINKS ARE CUTE SO NOW YOU'VE GOT YOUR DATE
BUT THE TRUE HORROR OF DATING STILL LIES AHEAD COME IN! YOU'VE GOT TO MEET HER FOLKS SO YOU'RE TAKING OUT MY DAUGHTER, HUH? STAY COOL UH, UH, UH RULE NUMBER EIGHT– PLAN YOUR OUTFIT AHEAD SO YOU DON'T KEEP YOUR DATE WAITING YUCK, I HATE THIS WHAT WILL I WEAR? TOO SPORTY TOO FANCY
GUYS, WHEN DEALING WITH A DATE'S PARENTS, SMALL TALK IS UNAVOIDABLE RULE NUMBER NINE– PICK A TOPIC YOU'RE COMFORTABLE WITH GEE, SIR, YOU MUST DISPLACE A GREAT DEAL OF WATER WHEN SUBMERGED GRRR! UH-UH TA-DA! HELP ME! PERFECT
THANKS I TOLD THE COPS IT WAS ALL A BIG MISUNDERSTANDING, AND THEY DIDN'T ARREST ME OR ANYTHING GRRR! RULE NUMBER 10– FORGET THE SMALL TALK I'M READY HIYA, BABSIE
COMPLIMENT HER [SNIFF SNIFF] GEE, YOU SMELL GOOD DID YOU TAKE A BATH OR SOMETHING? ACCEPT COMPLIMENTS GRACEFULLY KNOCK IT OFF LET'S GO TO THE MOVIES
OFF TO THE MO– [CLOCK CHIMES] MIDNIGHT GEE, I GUESS I TOOK A LITTLE TOO LONG GETTING READY WELL, THE MOVIE'S OVER SO'S OUR DATE BYE! SO, GUYS, AS FOR DATING, FORGET IT
GO FISHING! GO ANYWHERE BUT– I ALMOST FORGOT THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF THE FIRST DATE THE GOODNIGHT KISS THE GOODNIWHAT? I HAD A FUN TIME, BUSTER THANK YOU AAH! OOH! WOW! AS I WAS SAYING, DATING IS ABSOLUTELY THE BEST! OH AIN'T HE CUTE? AW [BEEP BEEP] [BEEP BEEP] [SNICKER] [BEEP BEEP] OOH, LA LA! MON PETIT SKUNK HUNK
HOLD ME! AT LAST I HAVE FOUND YOU, MON REASON FOR PUBERTY INTELLIGENT BOYS ARE SUCH A TEASE [BEEP BEEP] WHERE ARE YOU, MY LITTLE MENTAL MAN? HE WANTS TO FLY INTO MY HEART YOU ARE, HOW YOU SAY, CLEAR FOR LANDING COFFEE, TEA, OR MOI? LOVE HURTS, NO? [SNICKER] [BEEP BEEP] [BEEP BEEP] [WOLF WHISTLE] [SNICKER] [BEEP BEEP] [BEEP BEEP] [SNIFF SNIFF] YOU DO NOT NEED A CAGE TO CATCH ME, MY LITTLE TRANSFORMER OF LOVE
[BLOWS RASPBERRY] [SNIFF SNIFF] WILL YOU BE MY BOYFRIEND? I SENSE A FEAR OF COMMITMENT I AM ALMOST FINDING YOU! EXCUSEZ-MOI, SORT OF NERDY COYOTE, BUT HAVE YOU SEEN LE DELECTABLE BOY SKUNK ANYWHERE? OH, LE SIGH
ALONE AGAIN, NATURELLEMENT LE BOO LE BOO HOO [BLOWS RASPBERRY] HA HA HA! [BEEP BEEP] [WHISTLES] OH LA LA! HOLD ME! [SNIFF SNIFF] AAH! THANK HEAVEN FOR LITTLE BOYS, NO? YOU KNOW THERE ARE OTHER WAYS TO FIND A DATE– A VIDEO DATING SERVICE
OR YOUR FRIENDS COULD FIX YOU UP OR YOU COULD ALWAYS– ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS MUSHY STUFF! WHY, HELLO, MONTY DON'T HELLO ME! THIS HAS BEEN A SADDEST EXCUSE FOR ENTERTAINMENT I'VE EVER SEEN DATING, HA! LET'S DO A REAL STORY
SOMETHING WITH SOME ACTION SOMETHING WITH SOME DANGER ACTION AND DANGER, EH? YEAH! COME WITH ME, MONTY MY BOY I'VE GOT JUST THE THING [MONTY] HEY, WHAT THE– [CRASH] AND IF YOU REALLY NEED A DATE YOU CAN TRY THE DREAM DATE GAME
IT'S THE DREAM DATE GAME AND HERE'S YOUR HOPPY-GO-LUCKY HOST, BUSTER BUNNY THANK YOU, FRIENDS, AND WELCOME TO DREAM DATE, WHERE SOME LUCKY BACHELORETTE GETS A NIGHT ON THE TOWN WITH AN ELIGIBLE YOUNG BACHELOR OF HER DREAMS SO LET'S MEET OUR THREE TEENAGE BACHELORS RIGHT NOW BACHELOR NUMBER ONE IS OVERWEIGHT HAS LOW SELF-ESTEEM AND LIVES IN A MUD HOLE
HIS FAVORITE PASTIMES ARE PIGGING OUT AND IRONING HIS UNDERWEAR HIS NAME IS HAMTON J PIG WHEN'S LUNCH? BACHELOR NUMBER TWO HAILS FROM THE ACME SWAMP, WHERE HE LOVES MONEY, COMPLAINING AND HIMSELF HIS NAME IS PLUCKY DUCK
CAN I TRADE MY DATE IN FOR CASH? AND LAST BUT DEFINITELY LEAST, TOONATIC NUMBER THREE HE'S RICH, HE HATES EVERYBODY HE'D RATHER HAVE A LOBOTOMY THAN GO OUT WITH A GIRL HE'S MONTANA MAX SOMEBODY CALL MY LAWYER
I'LL SUE! SO, BACHELORS, LET'S MEET YOUR POTENTIAL DREAM DATE, AND HERE SHE IS NOW SHE HAILS FROM ACME LOONIVERSITY, WHERE SHE'S EXPERIMENTING IN TAXIDERMY HER FAVORITE HOBBY IS COLLECTING PETS AND SMOTHERING THEM WITH KINDNESS UNTIL THEY DIE HERE SHE IS, THE LOVELY ELMYRA OOH! I LOVE BUNNIES! COME HOME WITH ME, MR
HIPPITY HOPPITY I'LL HUG YOU AND SQUEEZE YOU AND LOVE YOU INTO ITTY-BITTY PIECES NO, NO, NO I'M THE HOST, NOT THE DATE YOUR DATES ARE AROUND THE CORNER
OHH NOW, YOU REMEMBER HOW TO PLAY JUST SIT HERE AND TO FIND OUT WHICH BACHELOR YOU LIKE BEST, ASK THEM QUESTIONS OKAY, MR CUTE BUNNY
LET'S SEE, BACHELOR NUMBER ONE, IF I WERE ICE CREAM, AND YOU WERE A DESSERT TOPPING, WHAT'S THE CAPITAL OF SOUTH DAKOTA? A HOT FUDGE SUNDAE? WAIT, WAIT, WAIT A MINUTE WHAT KIND OF QUESTION WAS THAT? IT MAKES NO SENSE DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE POINT OF THIS GAME? NO HAVE YOU SEEN THIS SHOW BEFORE? NO I LOVE THE PRETTY BUNNY
NO TOUCHING THE HOST! NOW LISTEN, YOU ASK THE BACHELORS QUESTIONS, OKAY? THEN THEY ANSWER AND BASED ON THEIR ANSWERS, YOU CHOOSE WHICH GUY YOU WANT TO DATE GET IT? GOSH, YOU'RE CUTE NEXT QUESTION OKAY BACHELOR NUMBER TWO, WE'RE AT AN EXPENSIVE RESTAURANT AND YOU FIND THAT YOU'VE FORGOTTEN YOUR WALLET
WHO WAS THE 12th PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES? PIERRE, SOUTH DAKOTA HOLD IT! HOLD IT! ELMYRA, NOBODY CARES ABOUT THE 12th PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES ZACHARY TAYLOR STOP! THIS IS EARTH CALLING ELMYRA YOU'RE ON THE DREAM DATE GAME
I AM? YES YOU'RE GOING TO WIN A DREAM DATE WITH ONE OF THESE THREE HANDSOME GUYS AROUND THE CORNER BUT I WANT A DATE WITH A PRETTY BUNNY-WUNNY OR THEY ARE BUNNIES LIKE YOU? NO, THEY'RE NOT BUNNI– OH, YEAH, RIGHT THEY'RE BUNNIES
THEY'RE ALL BUNNIES WHAT? WAIT A MINUTE! OOH THREE ELIGIBLE BUNNY BACHELORS TO HUG? OH, BOY, BUNNY BACHELOR NUMBER THREE, DO YOU HAVE A FUZZY TAIL AND CUTE BUNNY EARS? I AIN'T NO STINKING RABBIT! YOU BUGFACE DWEEB I'M GOING TO BUY THIS NETWORK JUST SO I CAN CANCEL THIS STUPID SHOW! OOH HE SOUNDS LIKE A HIPPITY-HOPPITY HANDFUL
[GONG] THERE'S THE GONG NO MORE QUESTIONS, ELMYRA IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO PICK YOUR DREAM DATE AND WE'LL BE BACK WITH HER BIG DECISION AFTER THIS WORDS ♪ WEENIE BURGERS ARE SO MUCH FUN TO EAT ♪ ♪ IF YOU LOOK REAL HARD ♪ ♪ YOU MIGHT EVEN FIND THE MEAT ♪♪ EEEE! WE'RE BACK AND READY TO HEAR OUR LOVELY BACHELORETTE'S DECISION
SO, ELMYRA, WHO WILL BE YOUR DREAM DATE? BACHELOR NUMBER ONE I'LL EAT ANYTHING, EXCEPT PORK BACHELOR NUMBER TWO
IF THEY RERUN THIS SHOW, DO I GET PAID EXTRA? OR THAT EXTRA CUTESY-WUTESY BUNNY BACHELOR NUMBER THREE? YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS, RABBIT THERE ARE LAWS TO PROTECT THE RICH, YOU KNOW I PICK BUNNY BACHELOR NUMBER THREE! NOOOO! I'M GOING TO HUG AND SQUEEZE AND LOVE MY DREAM DATE BUNNY-WUNNY FOREVER! AAH! AND HERE'S BABS TO TELL WHERE OUR COUPLE WILL BE GOING
WELL, BUSTER, OUR HAPPY COUPLE IS GOING ON AN ALL-EXPENSE PAID TRIP TO ELMYRA'S HOUSE! HERE, ELMYRA WILL LOCK MONTY AWAY FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE IN A SPACIOUS ACME ALUMINUM CAGE COMPLETE WITH ACTIVITY WHEEL, WATERING BOTTLE, AND REAL PLASTIC FEEDING TROUGH MONTY WILL DINE ON BRUSSELS SPROUTS, POACHED CAULIFLOWER AND OTHER SAVORY TREATS PROVIDED BY ACME FARMS
AND HE'LL HAVE SWEET DREAMS ON HIS BRAND NEW BED OF SHREDDED NEWSPAPER, COMPLIMENTS OF THE ACME GAZETTE AND SHOULD OUR BUNNY BACHELOR TRY TO PASS UP THIS DREAM DATE, HE'LL BE THWARTED BY THE NEW ACME DELUXE SECURITY SYSTEM ACME, FOR 50 YEARS, THE LEADER IN MALFUNCTIONING GADGETRY ALL OF THIS FOR OUR LUCKY COUPLE, FROM ALL OF US AT DREAM DATE [THROWING KISSES] ALOHA! ALOHA!
