Dating in Japan vs US/Canada (w/ Dating Beyond Borders)

– Hey guys, it's Yuta So today, I'm here with– – Marina

– From? – Dating Beyond Borders We focus on dating trends around the world – And we're gonna be discussing dating in Japan and– – In North America – Except– – Mexico – Okay

So let's discuss– – Let's discuss – Asking out – Okay, so in North America, most of your viewers are North American I mean, men ask a woman out, a woman asks a man out I don't think there's a rule really, especially nowadays

How is it like in Japan? – So there's a difference I notice and this pattern is quite consistent It's so interesting because when I ask out a girl from North America, they're more likely to make suggestions For example, I'm gonna be asking something like "Hey, so do you wanna hang out sometime?" And many of them will say something like, "Oh, I know a great place "There a place I've always wanted to go" But in Japan it's more like, men are supposed to come up with some kind of plan

So I'm gonna be saying something like, "Oh, I know a great place "So do you wanna go here?" And– – Shit, sorry – It's not like you're going to the place that the man wants to go It's more like the man has to guess where and what the girl wants – I see

– And make suggestions accordingly – I see So basically, does she find it attractive if a man is kind of the caretaker and he can make all these decisions, he's assertive – Someone who can lead – I see

– And that's the big thing in Japan – That's very interesting So just as a side note, I'm Russian and in Russia that's very similar That a man needs to be assertive and needs to make decisions So that's kind of interesting

– Yeah – I like that, I like that I like that sort of person – Because you're Russian? – Because I'm Russian Yeah, exactly

– Yeah Okay, so let's talk about planning 'cause in Japan making plans is a big deal So if, especially if it's your first date always, usually the guy has to come up with some kind of plan So you wanna know where you're going first and maybe where you're going to after But I think in North America it's more spontaneous

– I think it is more spontaneous and I don't think there needs to be like an expensive restaurant or anything like that It just depends on the people Maybe they can go for a walk What happens if you bring a woman to a, let's say you have a date Would you say, "Look, we're not gonna go to a restaurant, "We're just gonna go take a walk

" How does she respond to that? – So that's a great point because I have, I have an interesting story And so I went on a date with a Japanese girl a while ago and we were planning to go to this Thai restaurant but when I saw her, I wasn't very hungry So I said, "Oh, can we take a walk?" And she was like, "What are you talking about? "Aren't we going to the Thai restaurant?" So I'm like, "Oh yeah, this is Japan" – So, all my plans are, so planning is a big thing You need to plan in advance and plan well

– Uh-huh – So there's no room – And follow, and follow through – And follow through – Yeah

– It doesn't happen here at all – Uh-huh – Actually That's interesting 'cause I would like that, well maybe not if they're like, "I'm gonna take you to an expensive restaurant "By the way, no

"We're actually gonna go for a walk" I wouldn't be that excited But still it's nice to have some spontaneity, right? – Mhmm – So I guess not in Japan – I actually prefer just, let's meet at this point and see how it goes

I prefer that kind of style – Me too because I think when you're spontaneous you actually get more attracted to the other person Because you're put in so many different situations and you see them in so many different lights It's not like an interview It's not like this

– Yeah But in Japan many women, they prefer a man who can come up with a good date plan and that's a good thing – Makes sense though It really makes sense to me because I do find that attractive – So I don't really mind

I just adjust myself based on the culture – Well you were 15 minutes early today so, you're good with planning – Uh-huh – I was 15 minutes late – But was thinking that you guys were going to be late

(laughing) – So you came earlier, even earlier – Earlier so that I can go to, go somewhere to eat – Ah, I see I was just thinking you're so Japanese but you were just sneaky – No, see, I was doing that in a way that I could adjust to different kind of situations

In case you were on time, I could be on time In case you weren't, I could just go somewhere – Like that's the plan – That's planning, yeah That's the key

– Ah! We've discovered that secret – I thought about different scenarios and yeah – And you planned accordingly – Uh-huh That is so attractive

– Okay, paying So who pays on the first date, let's say first date in North America – Okay look, so I'm Russian So I want the guy to pay for the first date at least I mean first couple of dates, first 10 dates or something

But I mean in North America I think it depends on the type of guys But I still think that men do pay more than women There's still that culture more or less – Interesting So in Japan, there's no rule

So you might, I mean I think, there's something that we do in Japan which is we split but it's not gonna be 50-50 So the guy usually pays like maybe 70% 80% 90% and the girl pays the rest – But how does that work? So you get a bill, let's say okay it's $40 and okay, not in dollars I know you don't use dollars but how does it go? Does he just say, "I'm gonna pay $35" – I'm gonna pay 30 and she's gonna pay 10

– But why can't you just pay 40? – I think it's interesting because many women they don't like, they don't wanna feel like the guy is, kinda like buying her something – Uh-huh – Yeah, because then they feel like they owe something to the guy But if you do that, it's kinda, I think it's less pressure – Yeah

– But still the guy pays so you can show that you like her, you care about, you consider this a date – So in, around the world, as well like in France for example, women say this a lot They say "I feel like "I owe him something if he pays for me" So this is not just Japan I feel like this is definitely a trend around the world

– But I feel like in the US and Canada when I pay, I pay for everything It's not like 70, like 70 30% – I told you I feel like while it really depends, generally first dates, I feel like the man pays, right? I think that's a North American thing more or less More or less

– But sometimes even in North America, I say sometimes like let's do the Japanese style And I explain how it works in Japan – Uh-huh – And I pay like 70% – So they're like, when you say "Let's do the Japanese style

" they get all intrigued like, "Ooh, the Japanese style" And they're like, "Oh crap, "it just means you're not gonna pay for the date" That's very smart – It's like a trick to pay a little less – Exactly

– You save money – Use your exoticness to an advantage – Yeah, yeah That's a good thing about international dating – Damn, that's a good one

We should make a video about that When you use your culture to get ahead – Uh-huh, yeah – That's a good video – So let's discuss confession of love

And that's very Japanese – Give me a confession of love What would you say to me if you're confessing – Oh, okay So, hey, so we've been hanging out for a while

– Uh-huh – And I really like you So maybe, be my, ah! (laughing) – That's not gonna work (laughing) Hey! – I feel so much pressure So– – Yes, Yuta

You had something to say to me – So Marina, so we've been hanging out for a while and I really like you So would you like to be my girlfriend? – Well we've known each other for two days so it's a little too soon – Two days is enough (laughing) – That's nice

That's really sweet When do you say this to someone? – So on average, this happens on your third date – Oh my god – It's pretty early, right? – And that's when you have sex – Well yeah

– So if I say like, "Yes, Yuta "Let's be boyfriend and girlfriend" You're like, "Okay, now come to my house" – Yeah, it can happen – Okay

That's very smart again – Interestingly, so the average number of dates when people have sex is three dates based on very unscientific like magazine surveys But from my experience that's mostly the case – Okay Like North America, similar

So for example, can you say this to a girl? Have sex with her, use this as a line to actually have sex with her And then say, "Look, I'm sorry "It's just not gonna work" – I mean, technically you could but it's not recommended because it's not very honest – It's very– – I wouldn't do that

If I just want to have sex I would tell her, "I'm just looking for something casual" – Okay – Not all Japanese people do that For example, I don't do that And the older you get, the less likely you do that

Because if you're old, it's not gonna be, not always black and white – Yeah, that's true – And also, if you have more experience, you don't need to say it explicitly Sometimes you can just tell – But this reminds me a lot of the North American, the talk

You have a talk because you could be dating each other, but you could be dating other people It's all very confusing And then once you've decided you're serious with this person then you have this talk I've never had the talk in my life – I have had a talk with a North American girl

– Okay and what did she say? – She said yes (laughing) – Okay – Let's talk about PDA, public displays of affection – So in North America, okay, I'm sorry Where I live in Toronto, you don't see that a lot

– That's my impression – You probably see this in certain, yeah, they definitely don't see that, we're not talking about Mexico You definitely see that in Mexico And I'm sure you see this a lot more in Montreal Speaking about America, I think in the United States you do see this in certain parts like in Miami which is, it's closer to that Caribbean

– Yeah, it's more like, yeah – Yeah, but you don't see that a lot And in Japan I'm assuming you don't see that at all – No no no So if you're a couple, holding hands is pretty normal

Kiss in public, I don't think most couples do that at least when everybody is around – Kind of go off topic here Do people in Japan, I know they do this in Korea Do they, well like a couple, do they wear matching clothes? – No, we don't do that in Japan The interesting thing is, so I have a Japanese friend and she has a boyfriend

And when we hang out in a group with her and her boyfriend and our friends, you have no idea that they are together If I didn't know that they were together I wouldn't know that they were together – Like nothing, like no– – Nothing They don't act like a couple at all – Huh

They're like, they look like friends – Yeah – And nothing else – Here, there's a little bit of, a little bit maybe the way of touching, kissing – Yeah

– And flirting something like that – There's defintely that – But in Japan often just nothing But in private you can do whatever you want – Well I'm hoping

– Even then if you compare that to Latin America for example I feel like in private as well there's less physical connection – Oh yeah, for sure I think if you compare anything to Latin America, especially Asia and Latin America, that's like worlds away, right? Latinos are quite passionate consistently overall – And I personally like physical connection, touching and kissing, yeah

– Well then – Let's talk about socializing because if you date somebody in Japan, it's pretty normal the guy hangs out with his friends and the girl hangs out with her friends And they don't really quite mix Well it can happen but it doesn't always happen – That's interesting

That's really interesting In North America, I mean it doesn't matter You get, you can get a group of five guys and you can get that one girl that's going with them to watch the game – I mean like no, guy can have like mixed friends He can hang out with a group of guys and girls

– Yeah – And girls, they're the same – Okay – It doesn't happen like just men, women – That's what I thought you said

– No no no, this is kind of important because if you are dating somebody from Japan and if they're not introducing you to their friends, you don't have to feel like, "Oh, is there something wrong?" because it's normal in Japan – Okay, I'll know that next time I date a Japanese guy – Yup So let's take about meeting parents – Let's not

(laughing) – It's the same thing in Japan It's a big deal so unless you are very serious or unless you are marrying somebody, it's not likely that you're gonna meet his or her parents and that's completely normal That's kind of nice – You don't like meeting their parents? – I mean, it's uncomfortable Right? Unless they're really cool parents

– I actually like meeting my girl's parents – Really? – Yeah – I can introduce you to my mom She's really cool She likes younger guys

– It's interesting I like knowing families – Mhmm – Yeah – Yeah I mean, I think it's nice

And also when we're talking about Latin America, I mean in Latin America, just as a comparison, that's a big part of dating The family kinda needs to approve I mean in North America I think it really depends but I don't think you wait until marriage to meet the parents You'd probably meet them much earlier on But again I don't think there's a rule per se that you meet them at a certain stage

It depends on the couple I think – Yeah, like in high school sometimes when you live with your parents, you can just take your girlfriend or boyfriend to your place – And that's like accidentally meeting your parents, not on purpose – Mhmm – Okay

– Yeah, it's not gonna be like "Let's introduce" – Yeah, it's like, "Oh god" – That's kinda how you're meeting the parents It's totally fine but it doesn't happen as often – Yeah

– Hey, guys So I hope you enjoyed this video and make sure to check out her channel – Please do – About dating around the world – On YouTube, guys

And actually, I'm gonna make a video featuring Yuta as well We're gonna talk about the different cultural differences in dating between North America and Japan So check it out It's gonna be different than this one – Okay, and if you wanna date in Japan it's important that you speak Japanese

And I have free email lessons so make sure to click the link and subscribe to my email group Alright – See you guys later – See you guys (laughing) – [Yuta and Marina] Ah! (laughing) – I'm gonna keep that one

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