Online Dating in my 30’s?! Struggles + Fears | chit chat GRWM

What's up, beautiful people? It's your homegirl Ms Shameless all up in your building with a Chit-Chat Get Ready with Me

I don't know if you can tell, but I'm actually looking into a mirror looking at you Anyway, that's the beside the point ♪ ♪ I wanted to chat life with you, where I've been, who I've been dating Oops [laughs] And yes, all of that jazz

This video, however, is sponsored by Make Up For Ever Y'all know I be slaying with Make Up For Ever They have a new foundation called the Matte Velvet Skin, and it comes in 40 shades It also has a skin-like finish And I went to their masterclass here in LA, and the makeup artist, Etienne, was doing a Desi Perkins face, and she looked flawless

And what I loved about it was how flawless she looked, both in person and on photos What I really can't stand about makeup is how caked it can look in person, and then on photos it looks perfect I'm like, can't I just be perfect in both real life and in photos? This is the answer Y455 is my color I fluctuate between three different colors depending on how long I've been in the sun

So I already primed I primed with — thank you, Make Up For Ever, for this, because I stay using your makeup I stay using it Anyways I use Step 1 for primer

Yo' girl has been going on dates But not just any regular dates I've been going on the digital dates I've been on the apps, you guys And I know

I kind of get repulsed too [laughs] Totally judging, yes I'm judging And the reason why I'm doing it is because I don't get out And the times that I do get out, it's a lot of women events

Yeah, she's shining right there [sings] ♪ Shining, shining, shining, shining ♪ Yeah It's a lot of women, boss women So I'm trying to put myself out there in more ways than one, and part of that is going out

So Maya, go out And then the other one is go online, because to be honest, I work from home And I work a lot And I'm always inside editing, and I'm just like, okay, I guess I could take a little break So

I had the same feelings with online dating the I had with coming on YouTube six years ago I used to think YouTube was shameless, tacky, yuck, ew, and look where it got me So not to say that online dating is the next YouTube, but maybe it is Maybe it is And I have a lot of judgments towards it

So my new experiment is, what would happen if I did online dating? Oh, girl It has been a roller coaster At first I was nervous and awkward about it, and then I hated it [laughs] And I can't tell you how many times I've deleted and reinstalled that app on my phone Bumble

And now I'm on The League Man, I don't know What I do know is, I'm telling God and the universe that I'm open I feel like — yeah, that's my color I feel like I've done a lot of work on myself

But there's only so much work you can do on yourself by yourself I feel like you've really got to get into relationships, whether it's at work, friendships — but especially intimate relationships And I mean when your feelings get involved, girl Okay So look at that

I'm going to go in with my concealer after I do my eyes And I use the Y41 But I do have the Ultra HD I bounce around between a lot of foundations, but this has a very dewy finish This one is definitely matte

I don't need to set it But I will at the end I don't know if you can see — it looks like skin Girl, you need some sleep Hoo

We're going to do like summer skin tones I always do that, Maya And I'll do a dramatic lip How about that? That's been kind of my struggle with the dating Not just dating

Online dating And it's just like, Maya, why are you doing that? Again, like I said, we're moving into the future 2018, hello And depending on where you're watching this, when you're watching this — it could be 2019, 2020 2020? Oh my goodness

But I'm resistant to change Most of us are To be truly shameless — and I'm not saying you guys have to do this This is my journey For me to be truly shameless, I need to embrace the unknown and celebrate who I am

So I'm celebrating my singleness online [laughs] It's been really funny The major learning curve for me — I'm not necessarily — this is really about me I don't know if I'm — actually, yeah, I am trying to find a good man But I'm really analyzing my behavior and my patterns and my choices and my habits, because I don't want to date what I've been dating

Because girl, that is a hot mess Like, I have been making choices out of comfort and, "You cute" Comfort and cute [laughs] Can you imagine? But to be honest, I think that's a very early chapter of dating I think when we're young, that's the way to go

When you're older and when you actually start doing the math, you trying to spend a lifetime with somebody and get married with somebody, it has to be based on more than just, "You cute," and, "We got chemistry" Like, are we compatible? Do we have the same values? Do we have the same morals? And that's where I've been really trying to check myself Because so often, yes, chemistry and attraction is completely important But I think what's more important or what I'm going to challenge myself is to choose based on compatibility and values, and yes, I want a fine man who has his ish together But you can be cute and just be a hot mess

And I'm just like, can we get the whole package? But let's just work in order of priority Priority is you and I have to be compatible, because I'm trying, I'm attempting, I'm saying I'm going to spend a life with you, and feelings are fleeting I'm not trying to fight I don't want no drama I don't mind having disagreements and communicating

But I'm done with drama I'm so done with drama And I know I'm done with drama, because I've been paying attention to my choices on this app So again, the reason why I'm like — it's not about him It's because I'm looking at my behavior on what I'm choosing

So I'm swiping left and right, left and right Yes, attract — physical — I'm like, is he cute? But what I like to do is read the profile first And it really is hard to gauge people based on what they write But she tryin' Okay, let's just blend

When I swipe left or right on someone, I try to analyze why, and sometimes it's easy to just start getting hypnotized and going through everything, but especially when I match with someone — because on Bumble, women have to make the first move, and I'm like, why don't I write him? And I'm like, mm [laughs] Just Maya, write him It doesn't matter Just get out of your comfort zone So the first challenge for me is swipe right

The next challenge is initiate a conversation And then the third challenge is having a conversation off of the app And then the fourth is meeting up in person We're not at the altar yet [laughs] So I feel like I put a lot of pressure — I'm like, I ain't going to marry him

How would you know? [laughs] You can have levels of screening You can always say no or reassess, but you have to give it a chance So I mean, I went on three dates so far What do you guys think? I'm using this palette I don't know if you can see

Shablam All of that Yeah And see him in person So okay, not only am I doing that, I'm actually talking to men that I meet

I go to a sketch writing school I'm taking classes And I go to see shows That's part of class And I've been meeting people

And I think the challenge for me is, there's so much pressure with the whole date thing I feel like the older you get, it's just like, "Are we getting married?" [laughs] No, Maya, we're going for drinks Let's start there [laughs] Oh Do you feel me on this, though? Are you guys doing any dates? Here's the other thing

It's all math, right? You miss zero percent of the shots that you don't take Wayne Gretzky, yo Fellow Canuck So I need to take shots And that's okay

And see, the problem I've had in the past is I've dated out of convenience, because he was the only guy that came up to me and talked to me I didn't have options And not to say that I need options But I want to make the best decision And for me, I just need options

It's like shopping for a car Like I went to every dealership and drove a bunch of cars, because it was that important How much more is choosing a life partner? Girl, it's very important So I'm not saying you've got to be out hya just running amok Okay, so Y41, my concealer

Love this stuff I'm gonna put it under my eyeballs She using a fluffy brush I don't use beauty [inaudible] What was I saying? So yeah

I'm taking shots [laughs] Okay? I'm making an effort, which is better than doing nothing Because I don't want to wake up one day and be like, oh snap, I missed the bus And with me, I'm so busy with work — I'm such a workaholic — that I'm fine, I could be completely fine just working and being single But I guess I do hope — I would like — I want a family

I want But if God has other plans for me, then that's fine too So if I want a family — like Maya, put some effort And I've been putting lots of effort in me I go to church

I work out I'm on my work hustle, fitness hustle, spiritual hustle She beatin' her face — hustle Growin' her hair out Hustle

All of this And I'm just like, I think you can introduce another variable into this equation [laughs] Let's see, girl And a little heads-up, guys I'm 36 years old

If that helps put things into perspective I've already lived many lives before this I've lived so many lives [laughs] I'm a vampire And I've enjoyed all of it

The highs, the lows I think once you really try to discover more about who you are, you learn to let go of life The plans that you thought you were going to have What you have to accommodate and adjust for A lot of people are like, "Are you going to freeze your eggs?" "Aren't you going to have kids?" and blah blah blah

Like, I didn't grow up — in my family, we didn't have that being said My mom never said, "When are you going to have kids and get married?" She never said that once She's never asked me that It's just like, well, you would know if you just looked at what's happening Also, I don't know about you guys, but my family has kids late

My mom had me at 35 and had my brother at 36 My other aunts have had their kids at 42, forties So I guess that's another reason why I'm not so concerned And because I trust in God And for me personally, if he wants me to have a kid, I'll have a kid, and if he doesn't, he'll figure out another way, like adoption or a foster

So I'm not too bent out of shape on that Maybe there is some sort of internal clock that's like, [whistles] "Get yo' life" "Okay, fine" This is my favorite Make Up For Ever liner

So don't let society tell you what's old Do the math How long do you think you're going to live for? In my family, my grandmother died at 100 My other one at like seventy-something I think, say, 80

Say I live till 80 I think I could live till 100 What's 50 percent of 80? Forty Forty is halfway there I'm almost there

Fuck [laughs] But 50 percent is not old Fifty percent is half So 40 is not even old When you start doing things based on percentages, it just puts things into perspective

The percentage of your total lifespan Also, do I want to live with someone for 70 years? Absolutely not [grunts] Everyone's body is different That's the other thing, too Everyone ages differently

That's what I did notice on these dating apps Somebody be saying they're 30 I'm like, okay, really? You look a good 20 years older than me Take care of your bodies, guys Take care of it

Don't abuse it Don't take it for granted Because we are all going to age We are all going to be hit by the truck But some of us are going to look flyer doing it

And not just looks, either Like, function I know 20-year-olds that have a hard time getting pregnant, and my cousin who's 42 got pregnant right after she tried Everyone's different Don't subscribe to other people's fears

Don't take that on as yours Where did you get this information from? Who said this? Everyone's different, and every ethnic group is different too So some people, black don't crack, Asian don't raisin — I mean, my family — I'm Filipino and black The women in my family be having kids until their forties Anyway, that's why I'm not afraid

I care, but I'm not like, I need a man, to have a kid Like, no I care enough to put effort, not to be obsessed over it I said underneath my eye because it was the concealer and it's more liquidy So the answer to your question — am I freezing my eggs? No

That's a lot of money, too I don't even know how much it is How much is it to freeze your eggs? You could do so much You could buy like a new camera Go on a trip somewhere

It's all about perspective I'm just glad that — I guess we're all wired differently, because I'm wired for work Not everyone is Some people are wired for motherhood That's not me

Maybe it is Maybe it is Maybe it is and I just don't know it This is also Make Up For Ever, their brow liner It's like a eyeliner

And I already microbladed my eyebrows I woke up like this [Inaudible] Yeah What did you guys think you were going to be? Let me know in the comments below

Where'd you think you were going to be? Where did you end up? I honestly never even believed in marriage Isn't that crazy? When I was a kid, I never dreamt about marriage I only dreamt about raising a kid A kid Isn't that so sad? Raising a kid by myself

Finding some sort of sperm donor This is Hourglass I really like this handle Yeah, no falsies No falsies this summer or fall

Try to do that mo What was I saying? Yeah Where'd you think you guys were going to be? Where are you now? I think God is a comedian Also a crazy mad scientist

Because I'm like, really? Really? Is that the way we're doing this? Okay [laughs] Moscow Mule and Ginger Binge She's giving you all kinds of subtle And highlighting my freaking pimple That's too small

So I do the Ginger Binge and top it with the Moscow Mule It's all about layering, honey It's all about layering I'm going to use — aha — my Make Up For Ever highlighter, Pro Fusion Light So, so grand

Yeah I learned to just let go as much as possible Work hard, set goals, dream big Dream as big as you can Dream

It's your life You can do whatever you want I'm just using this Palladio I'm not quite sure We've made it

And I got my first gray hair [laughs] I feel like when I saw my gray hair my heart was like — [gasps] I know I'm overreacting This is the Pro Fusion Light on my brow bone Give me powder

Don't be afraid of age Don't be afraid of death The minute I came to terms with what's going to happen, I don't know when, it made me embrace life more Because I've actually calmed down a lot I used to view life as those sand glasses, where it would stream, which is why my energy's so go, go, go

Ahhhh! Set that ish I've calmed down a lot I used to — I still have five hours of sleep Between five and seven But I've calmed down a lot

Because before I was like, "I'm going to die I need to get as much done as I can!" That's not a good way to live But it's some good motivation Oh, girl Girl

Oh, shoot I really like this matte lipstick I like the applicator That's a classic look Okay, I don't even know what to do with my hair, to be honest

I got these here Let's just see Majestic Oil It's 100 percent Moroccan argan oil And EcoStyler Gel

I still love me my EcoStyler Gel So we ain't going to throw that out Now what did I do with my hair? I'm going to be wearing a yellow skirt Part of me just wants to maybe clean up the top I don't know why I just did that

I just made my life harder Quick question What is your biggest fear with getting old? Why is there such a stigma about getting old? I'm so much happier now where I am in my life I just felt like in my twenties I thought I had it all figured out Like, stupid

She thought she had it all together You couldn't tell her shit It wasn't until 26, 27 rolled around, where I was like, oh, girl Girl, girl, girl We got a ways to go

It's just — yeah, right there We got a ways to go So what's your biggest fear with getting old? What is mine? Huh What is my biggest fear? I guess losing my family [whimpers] I don't even think about this stuff! This is not a good thing to think about

But probably something to think about Because then when shit happens it's just like, "What? Where did that come from?!" Listen I don't put nothing past God and the universe Damn pranksters Yeah, losing family and what else? I guess I would say looks

It's not my biggest fear, but I definitely — Maya, stop playing yourself I had a heart attack when I saw that one gray hair And it was just one What I'm doing is just twisting, two-strand twist I don't know what it looks like in the back

Nobody needs to know I want to fix that too I don't like that I'm probably going to ruin it You know when you notice something and you — Like that

So we'll give some wispies I guess we're going with this kind of crown look I want to somehow age gracefully See what I mean? We've been brainwashed to think, oh no, woe is me Like getting old is something to be afraid of

I just want to make sure my body can still function What I loved about seeing my 100-year-old grandmother live — she died getting ready for work My granny worked until the day she died And it goes to show you that working is in my blood My grandmother and my mom

And this was on different sides of the family I want to do a fitness competition in my fifties, when I'm a senior I don't need to do it right now I have too much on my plate But I do want to do a fitness competition

I think life is just exciting It's exciting Don't be afraid of age I've met some mean people in this industry where they say mean things to me Can you imagine? And said like, "Ew, you're old," and I'm like, "Guess what, girl? You comin' to this side too

" And ideally, this man, whoever he is — I want him to appreciate a woman who ages Not after a young thirsty thang That's why I don't want to put all my hopes and dreams into surgeries to keep this up, because guess what? If you're relying on that, you going to be traded in That's kind of cute Giving you romantic

Yeah, maybe not what you fear the most about aging — what do you enjoy the most about aging? I love the ability to do what I want on my clock And not having to answer to anyone How did we go from dating to this? [laughs] Dear Future Husband, let me live, is all I say Let me live Let a girl live

Ooh, I'm not mad at this look Look at this So light So fierce Where is she? Make Up For Ever Velvet Skin

Okay? Matte Velvet Skin I think it's great I love the finish This is my shade Y455

You can get it at Sephora It retails for 38 bucks Turn your notifications on so you know when I upload a new video And until next time, remember to do you, be you and stay true, boo Ooh! Be shameless

She is Shameless Even on the apps, guys Even on the apps [laughs]

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