Stop, in the name of love before you break your heart That's right, today we're going to be talking about four times when you should definitely not be online or on dating apps
It's going to be a little controversial I'm sure some of you are going to disagree with me because it flies in the face of the entire reason we go on dating apps Music About a year and a half after my divorce, I was feeling pretty low I was feeling pretty desperate, pretty lonely, pretty hungry for the love also a little bit horny So, I met this guy on Tinder We Skyped a little bit He seemed attractive
I said come on over because I was lonely and horny and desperate and needy And, he came over He kind of smelled like a 12-year old boy And, not so attractive in person at all a little bit low on the hygiene scale Yet, yes, moment of shame, we slept together Not a moment I'm proud of It was a very low moment
But, a low moment that demonstrates what I'm going to tell you today, which is four times that you should stop yourself, check your emotions, check out where you are, and say "Is this really the best time to be looking for a partner?" In addiction recovery circles, there's an acronym – HALT – four times that you should check in with yourself before reaching for whatever it is you are addicted to Now, online dating and dating apps, can be very addictive as I'm going to going to explain in a future video But for now, this acronym applies really well whether you have a problem with online dating and need to keep going back, or not In addiction circles, the H stands for hungry but I'm going to change it today to horny If you are clear about what it is you're looking for — you just want something that's like a one-night thing or a one-time thing and in your messaging you are objectively clear, go for it
Nothing wrong with that But, if you are craving a deeper connection with someone and you go online and it's like "Hello! Yeah!", you could be getting ahead of yourself and putting yourself in some situation where things don't turn out the best for you So, horny — don't go online, if you are looking for a long-term relationship — when you are horny There are other things to do There's a little hint there
The second letter — A — Angry So in a previous video, I talked about how to deal with toxic people online and how to avoid being the toxic person online If you're angry, find other ways to deal with your anger Deal with the source of your anger, the cause of your anger If you can't do that, go out and do a boxing workout, do something to get rid of your anger
Don't take it out on innocent people online When you are angry, you are more subject to misinterpret what people are saying Three — L L is for the way you're lonely Don't go online when you are feeling seriously lonely
It will either make you lonelier or you will make bad decisions If you are going online with that neediness, with that emptiness, with that "Ugh! I just need to be around someone right now"you're going to project that online It's going to come across You're going to attract the wrong people, and repell the right people
If you are feeling super-duper lonely — I'm not talking lonely in your general life — but super-duper lonely in the moment, reach out to someone you already know, go out, join a group or a community of some sort, get to know people in the real world Work on your loneliness in that way first because when you are filled up with love for yourself and love for life and love for everything that's going on around you, you are more likely to attract a healthy kind of love So, don't go online when you are lonely And finally, tired Oh yeah
End of the day Oh, I'm so tired I'll just check my Tinder I'll just check my Bumble, I'll just check my OkCupid And then it's 3 in the morning, 4 in the morning and I'm like swipe, swipe, swipe, someone contact me! Argh
Yah Tired When you're tired, go to bed Take a nap Rest your eyes
Take care of your tiredness When you're tired, you're going to make poor decisions So HALT Do not go online, do not go on dating apps when you are horny, angry, lonely or tired Just don't do it
If you found this video interesting and you want more tips about how to connect online and in real life, and with yourself, and how to overcome all that loneliness, horniness, tiredness and anger, all that stuff, I've got tons of good advice in this book: Love Lessons from a Lap Dancer It's an unconventional guide for women who want to date with confidence, understand men and put themselves first It's available on Amazon The link is below Until next time, stay sane, stay safe, stay sexy
Connect with confidence and connect with love
